im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
