Whats the glycemic index on semen?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
