Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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