I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got so high we made milksteak
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize