I don't remember. Are we still dating?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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