told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
