yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
