Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
