please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
