Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
i think i just lost a toe
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
