I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Randomize
