she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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