So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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