why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
