best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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