I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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