so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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