Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Randomize
