you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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