I didn't shave. On purpose
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
