Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
