if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
