how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
