1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
