Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
