I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
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My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
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Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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