Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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