my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I think your dad took our porno
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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