and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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