I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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