is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
