i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
