It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Houston, we have a blender
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
