Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
