Swine flu. Run for my life!
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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