Hey man sorry I got all grabby
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
