Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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