I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
smell my finger.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
