I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
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Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
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She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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