dude i'm inner monologue high
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
God, I missed his penis.
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