Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
