it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
