omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Girls should come with a carfax report
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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