you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Randomize
