Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Pants are for mortals
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
