Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
