he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Hippo gnu deer
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
