Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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