she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
