just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
