Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
