How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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