you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
