just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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