Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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