There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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