I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
