i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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