Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
