It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
you had me at cake vodka
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
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