i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
