im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I just gift wrapped bread.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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