Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Randomize
