I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
